Those of you who know me know I have a “no self deprecation” rule that I enforce strictly. It stems from rule one of negotiation.
Every person has value. High value. Marianne Williamson explained it best when she said “we ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? … Your playing small does not serve the world.”
But there is only one person in your life that MUST think you’re valuable. YOU! And there is only one person who can control what is said about you — a major component of how others see you. YOU! So don’t self deprecate.
Valuing yourself means knowing and accepting who you are. There are a million self-help books that talk about this topic. But you don’t have to buy any of them. If you can answer the following questions, you’re good. If you can’t answer them, well, find the answers:
1. What do I like to do?
2. What do I do well?
3. Do I make sure I actively do those things I like and do well? (if your answer is no, change the question to “How can I make sure I actively do those things…”)
4. Who do I want to be?
5. Do I believe I can be who I want to be? (if your answer is no, change the question to “How can I take steps to ensure I will be who I want to be?”)
Seriously, if you can’t answer those questions, stop right now and answer them.
Yes, it’s that important. If you don’t master this rule, you will never negotiate well. All success in negotiation is determined by how well you know your value. Why? If you don’t think you’re important enough to deserve what you want, you won’t get it. That’s because if you don’t think you’re important enough, you aren’t likely are you put forth the effort necessary TO get it.
Of course, that means you must also know what you want. We’ll talk about that next week, so stay tuned…
